Need help navigating the difficult process of leaving your toxic spouse? Learn how to divorce a narcissist in this article.
Divorce is hard under the best of circumstances, but when your spouse is a narcissist or exhibits narcissistic behaviors, it can be a nightmare. In this blog post, I want to offer some basic information about how narcissistic qualities can affect the divorce process. This is not a guide for diagnosis. If you need help with your spouse’s behavior, speak to a qualified mental health professional.
What is a narcissist?
Narcissism lies on a spectrum. While everyone may display narcissistic traits from time to time, some people exhibit narcissistic behaviors to a degree that merits a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
According to the Mayo Clinic, NPD “is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.”
However, not all problematic narcissistic behavior is tied to a diagnosis of NPD, but such behaviors can still lead to complications before and during divorce.
How to Divorce a Narcissist in 4 Steps
1. Get the Support You Need First
Those with narcissistic traits are good at convincing people to be on their side. Their ability to charm others can put you in a bad light with your friends and family. In addition to painting you as the bad guy, a narcissist may try to ruin your relationships by sharing information—whether true or false—that isolates you from your support system.
Before proceeding with divorce, you should let those close to you know what is going on so you can put up a united front.
2. Hire a Fearless Attorney
While you may be intimidated by the manipulative tactics your spouse uses, you should seek the help of an experienced attorney who is fearless. Narcissists thrive on drama. You need an attorney who isn’t afraid to stand up to a bully but who also won’t create conflict when it isn’t necessary.
3. Get a Clear View of Your Finances
One of the most stressful parts of any divorce is waiting to see how the courts will split the marital assets. Narcissists need to have control, so it’s not surprising that many take control of the family finances without sharing any information with their spouses. If you do not have a clear picture of how your spouse has been using your joint funds, now is the time to start getting an idea.
4. Set Your Boundaries
If you’ve had trouble establishing boundaries with your narcissistic spouse during marriage, you’re not alone. Narcissists do not respect other people’s boundaries, not even their spouse’s. For this reason, it is critical to communicate your boundaries to your spouse early in the divorce process. You should put everything in writing and keep verbal communication to a minimum so you have a record.
In some cases, your boundaries may include physical boundaries. If your spouse crosses your physical boundaries and makes you feel unsafe, do not hesitate to seek legal recourse.
Need help figuring out how to divorce a narcissist?
Divorcing a narcissist can be one of the most challenging experiences a person can have, but with the right guidance, you will make it through in one piece. Get in touch with me today if you need help navigating this difficult situation.
About the Author: Helena Y. Farber is a Divorce attorney in Aventura, Florida, whose practice is concentrated in the areas of divorce and family law. She can be reached at (305) 520-9205 or via email at hyf@farberlawpa.com.
Disclaimer: The attorney makes this Blog available for educational purposes only as well as to give you general information and a general understanding of the law, not to provide specific legal advice. By using this blog site, you understand that there is no attorney-client relationship between you and the Blog. The Blog should not be used as a substitute for competent legal advice from a licensed professional attorney in your state.